Save the world, Build A Snowman

Could not help laughing when I heard this on the news the other night. The advice is to build snowmen to reduce the flooding risk.

It sounds crazy at first, a picture flashed through my mind. Lines of snowmen across the road, all with long handled brushes or squeegee's pushing back the water as it raced down the main street. A reserve division would be lined up along the pavement edge, pushing back the water as it lapped over the curb. I pictured a heroic snowman throwing himself onto the floor across a doorway, to stop the water, mud and slime from creeping under the door.

Children and little old ladies sat atop the snowmen, waiting for the rescue boats to collect them! Flashing red lights for noses, to attract the attention of the rescue services.

Then reality hit me. I suddenly realised we could not do all this without the permission of the Local Authorities  and all the bureaucracy that it would entail.

Will we need police permission if more than 10 snowmen are gathered in one place?

If a snowman is causing an obstruction, will he be issued with an ASBO or a CRIMBO?

Health and safety issues could be a nightmare
     Will we need to carry out a risk assessment?
     If the snowman is over a certain height will we have to have scaffolding?
     Maybe we will need red & white hazard warning tape or cones?

Will there be an army of assessors around trying to give us NVQ's in snowman building?

When a snowman makes a short quotable remark for broadcasting, will it be termed a frost-bite?

What would we call a group of snowmen?
           A drift of snowmen?
           An avalanche of snowmen?   -- Please send in more ideas via the comments

How would you describe a crazy snowman? Flaky?

Finally, we will have to deal with the councils, the watchdogs of political correctness.

Are we allowed to build only SNOWMEN or to avoid charges of sexism, will we have to build an equal number of SNOWWOMEN

Will we be accused of being racist if we make all our snowpeople white?
Will we also have to make black, brown and yellow ones in proportion to the local demographic ratios ?

Finally, I guess to prevent flooding of some of our supermarkets, they may choose to build Snow horses.